Mo’Nique and the Great Hair Bonnet Debate of 2021

Regardless of what side of the Mo’Nique “Hair Bonnet” Debate on which you stand, it is a bit myopic, if not disingenuous or hypocritical, to charge comedian and actor Mo’Nique with “respectability politics” if you are also an integrationist. While being an integrationist does not mean that one is an assimilationist, per se, it does mean that your entire socio-political ideology is based on begging white folks to be nice to you. Thus, I’ve been amazed at the large number of black folks who do not identify as Black Nationalists—who work for, with, by, and solicit white folks for their sustenance—but are also upset at Mo’Nique, charging her with playing “respectability politics.” That’s a type of logic that simply confounds me. To be clear, just because one works for a black-owned company does not make one a Black Nationalist, especially if that “black-owned” company is beholden to and controlled by white dollars. We cannot be confused by folks who talk black but live green.  By green, I don’t mean being an environmentalist. In full disclosure, not all Black Nationalists agree or disagree with Mo’Nique. So, this issue is nuanced.  I’m a Black Nationalist, and I agree with Mo’Nique. But, I learned a long time ago that it’s a waste of time to argue with people that I don’t know about their fashion sense.  Aesthetics, to a large degree, are subjective and can be a slippery slope to cultural marginalization, if not oppression. (Also, people who are asserting that Mo’Nique being critical of wearing hair bonnets publically is the same as critiquing natural hair and a hijab are too stupid for words. In fact, Muslim women have at least seven different headdresses to cover their heads, and each garment has unique features and is used in certain situations, which connotes “time and place” appropriateness.) Furthermore, even the ole “time and place” argument no longer carries weight with most folks. Now, it’s do, say, and wear what you want, when you want, how you want, and damn if somebody says something to you about it.  And, I’ve accepted this.  But, to be clear, I’ve accepted this because I don’t love y’all enough to fight with y’all.  See, people who love you, even if they are misguided and wrong, will fight with you because they hate to see anything bad happen to you.  I, on the other hand, don’t give a damn about what happens to people who don’t share my sensibilities. I just want to avoid the drama, headache, and waste of time of talking with someone who is offended by people trying to share knowledge with them.  Therefore, the real issue about the Great “Hair Bonnet” Debate of 2021 is who has the right to offer advice to others and when is it appropriate to do so?

At the age of sixteen, against my mother’s wishes and, more importantly, without her knowledge, I got an earring.  To be clear, I got my earring in the left ear because that’s the appropriate ear for a “straight” man to have an earring. (Yes, children, even I once prescribed to dumbass logic such as that, but I digress.) I have attached a picture of how I looked/dressed in college. The second picture is with my uncle (my mother’s twin), and we are going to see the play Black and Blue. (I didn’t take a lot of pictures while in college, and hindsight shows that to have been a good idea.) Based on those two pictures, I’m the last person who can tell anybody anything about how to dress. I’m sure that y’all can imagine the things that black teachers on a black college campus said to me or the things that old black people would say to me as I simply walked around and through the community looking like that. Yet, here’s the difference between me and all of the self-righteous dumbasses who are attacking Mo’Nique.  One, I never took the critique of older people personally because I wasn’t raised to be clueless or stupid. Two, for whatever reason, even when I disagreed with older people, I never felt that they were being malicious. Maybe, it’s because I was raised in a loving family and within a loving community. So, I gave the older black people who corrected and criticized me the benefit of the doubt that, even though I disagreed with them, they were trying to help me in their old-timey sort of way. Clearly, that’s not the case today.

So, y’all are telling me that all of the black people who agree with Mo’Nique are engaging in and perpetuating “respectability politics”? Well, yes, we are. We want black folks to respect themselves, not be lazy, and to know that there is a time and a place for everything.  That’s all. The question is: who gets to define “time and place” appropriateness? Unless you are of the same mentality as I am that a man can be an island, then “time and place” appropriateness is defined collectively.  Most people believe that “no man is an island.” I disagree with y’all, but y’all constantly tell me that I am not an island. As such, most of y’all accept that all of us, as a community or a system of interlocking communities, define “time and place” appropriateness by having these types of public and private discussions.  So, if you are a person who is seeking to work and live with others, you are unable to define “time and place” appropriateness exclusively because you are seeking to engage others. Thus, others may feel a need to help you understand “time and place” appropriateness if they perceive that you may be doing something that limits your ability to craft or access the life that you say that you want to live—a life that includes engaging others.  If that offends you, your being offended justifies my not engaging people I don’t know to give them any advice of any kind. Of course, I’m a writer, and lots of people who don’t know me read my work.  Yet, in most cases, those people have chosen to read my work by accessing some platform, book, newspaper, or magazine. However, there are times when we mistakenly spam people onto the listserv. If you are one of those people who were spammed onto the listserv, I apologize. But, most people who were spammed onto the listserv ask to be removed immediately or simply block me. Additionally, there have been several times when folks who asked to join the listserv were so offended by something that I wrote that they asked to be removed from the listserv. I oblige those requests immediately. So, I do everything that I can to limit my contact with folks of differing sensibilities because, now, many folks can’t handle—emotionally or intellectually—a critical discourse of differing sensibilities. 

As noted physicist Neil deGrasse Tyson states, “Most people obtain only enough information to think that they are right and rarely obtain enough information to know that they are wrong.” Simply put, most people don’t want to grow or even be forced to think critically about their own notions or concepts. Most folks want to be coddled in their notions of the world, and they have every right to be. Yet, we cannot allow those folks to call themselves intellects or activists. People who are intellects and activists are constantly pushing themselves to learn and grow as much as they can, which includes questioning and evaluating their own notions or sensibilities. This is essential to developing as a critical thinker.  Most people don’t lose debates because they are wrong. Most people lose debates because they are poorly researched as they are too comfortable or too afraid to question their own positions, which limits their ability to access and provide persuasive information. Of course, they are quite comfortable questioning and challenging other people’s positions, notions, and sensibilities. By not constantly evaluating their own positions, notions, and sensibilities, they are often stagnant, myopic, and unable to deliver the information that they need to persuade others to embrace their side. All they can do is present emotional, one-dimensional statements that usually devolve into name-calling and “canceling” others, and rarely does it create an enlightening discourse. So, I avoid these types of people once I recognize them for what they are. 

Again, one can agree or disagree with Mo’Nique. But, the larger issue seems to be that so many African Americans can only perceive Mo’Nique as a self-hating coon attacking black women at the behest of white folks. If that’s what you got from Mo’Nique’s comment, then you clearly are someone with an inability to be nuanced in your thinking because you are still blinded by the damage of some black elder who either hurt or disappointed you in the past. Either that or you are someone who simply feels that no one has the right to say shit to you. I understand that position, and you have a right to it. But, it reminds me of a student who was walking across campus with a t-shirt that read in big bold letters: DON’T ASK ME SHIT! I knew the young man to be a very capable student. So, I stopped him and asked, “So, you don’t feel like being scholarly today?” He responded, “What are you talking about, Mr. McInnis?” I continued, “Your shirt is declaring that you don’t want to engage any questions today. Thus, I can only infer that you are not interested in being scholarly today. But, isn’t that a bit contradictory since you are on a college campus?” He answered, “Mr. McInnis, I didn’t mean it like that. It ain’t that deep. It’s just a shirt and a mood. That’s all.” I inquired, “So, your mood is to be anti-scholarly? It is your right to be anti-scholarly or anti-intellectual, but you are walking across a college campus—a place that is designed specifically for scholarship. While I don’t think that you mean to be malicious, offensive, or anti-intellectual, you are walking across a college campus declaring that you don’t want to engage in scholarship or discourse.” He ended with, “Mr. McInnis, I didn’t think about it like that. I guess I must be more mindful about what I wear and when I wear it.” The young student gave me a pound, and we kept it moving. He graduated two years later, and, between that time, we never discussed his shirt again until he stopped me one day and said, “Mr. McInnis, I never told you that I appreciate how you came to me about my shirt that day on campus.” I responded, “I appreciate you being open to the discourse. As long as you are open to the discourse and civil disagreements, you will continue to grow as a scholar.” 

That was the last time that I saw that student. That incident occurred twenty-five years ago. Interestingly, I never taught that student. He was a non-English major who was struggling with registering for classes, and I happened to be in the building to help him.  His issue was quite complicated, but we managed to get him registered in all of his classes that day. After that moment, we would see each other on campus and have brief conversations. So, I felt comfortable engaging him about his shirt. Sadly, I’d never do anything like that again because fake ass, pseudo-Negro intellectuals have young people thinking that anyone who disagrees with them is against them. And, I don’t have time for the headache or waste of time. So, rather than getting on a soapbox for Mo’Nique, I’ll leave y’all with the comments of comedian Ricky Smiley who focuses us on a much larger issue than whether or not we agree with Mo’Nique. Now, let’s checkout the upcoming events.

Author: C. Liegh McInnis

C. Liegh McInnis is an English instructor at Jackson State University, the former editor/publisher of Black Magnolias Literary Journal, the author of eight books, including four collections of poetry, one collection of short fiction (Scripts:  Sketches and Tales of Urban Mississippi), one work of literary criticism (The Lyrics of Prince:  A Literary Look at a Creative, Musical Poet, Philosopher, and Storyteller), one co-authored work, Brother Hollis:  The Sankofa of a Movement Man, which discusses the life of a legendary Mississippi Civil Rights icon, and the former First Runner-Up of the Amiri Baraka/Sonia Sanchez Poetry Award.  His work has appeared in Obsidian, Tribes, The Southern Quarterly, Konch Magazine, Bum Rush the Page, Down to the Dark River:  Anthology of Poems about the Mississippi River, Black Hollywood Unchained:  Essays about Hollywood’s Portrayal of African Americans, Black Gold:  Anthology of Black Poetry, Sable, New Delta Review, Black World Today, In Motion Magazine, MultiCultural Review, A Deeper Shade, New Laurel Review, ChickenBones, Oxford American, Journal of Ethnic American Literature, and Red Ochre Lit.