Carnality

Pogo took one glance out of the window of the bodega and then grimaced. His phone hadn’t been charged tonight because he forgot to charge it the night before and he didn’t have the money for a cab. It had been raining all night as well.

     Just when he was about to chance the storm, his co-worker, Mary, walked up from behind him.

     “Lousy weather! Want me to drive you home?”

     Pogo agreed to go with her but he was obviously nervous. She was considered to be the popular one at work. Pogo was surprised she even bothered to talk to him. She was miles out of his league, he thought.

     As they began down the quiet street, Pogo told her his address. Afterwards, he felt compelled to let her know how surprised he was that she decided to drive him home.

     “I appreciate you doing this for me. I know I’m not much of a talker at work but you’re a good bunch of people. I like to mind my own business. I hope you don’t think I’m standoffish.”

     Mary laughed. “Of course not! I think you’re pretty cool. There’s no drama with you like with some of the others.”

     Pogo gave a timid chuckle. “Yeah, I love it that way. Don’t you have somewhere to be tonight? It’s Friday. Everyone is out partying and socializing.”

     “I’ve never been into those things.”

     Pogo was surprised by her response again. “I’m impressed! A woman with sophistication. I’m just glad you don’t think I’m a weirdo.”

     She chuckled. “You’re not weird. And besides, I have a gun in my car. I never let anyone try to hurt me. I’m lucky enough to have never used it but it makes me feel safe having it. My father always told me that there is a feminine intuition when it comes to danger. He told me that his mother would always feel if there was danger around her which prompted her to bring her gun. I believe in my intuition enough to be as careless as I’d like when it comes to others around me.”

     Pogo agreed. “Great woman she was. What kind of gun is it?”

     “Ruger .22.”

     Pogo was intimidated by her way of thinking and the way she carried herself. He examined her out of the corner of his eye as she drove with one hand on the wheel and the other resting on her lap. She looked well experienced as if she had been independent for quite some time.

     “So tell me about yourself… Pogo, right?”

     “Yes. And there’s not much to tell about me though. I like to keep to myself. I’m a simple person. If I’m not at work, I’m at home in my room.”

     Mary nodded slowly. “Is that how you like things to be?”

     “Yes, it’s who I am.”

     “Who do you live with? And do you have any hobbies?”

     “I live with my mom. She’s quite old already so I help her out. And I love reading and writing. They’re my favorite hobbies.”

     Mary smiled. “Aw, well that’s sweet of you. And literature is a wonderful hobby! The most sincere form of entertainment, I’d say. What’s your favorite book?”

     “Well, my favorite work isn’t even a book. It is a play called Arcadia.”

     “I’ve read that! The one about determinism, right?”

     “Yes, exactly.”

     “What do you believe in, Pogo?”

     He was caught off guard.

     “What- as in supernatural forces?”

     “No, I mean spiritually or religiously,” she replied.

     “I’m a Christian man. I’ve always been one. My mother is also a Christian.”

     Mary nodded slowly. “Do you believe in determinism?”

     “I do believe that everything happens for a reason and that life forces people into each other’s lives for a reason but the principles about determinism and the ideology that people are not held responsible for their actions because it wasn’t their choice is quite difficult to wrap my head around. It’s as if knowing the fact that God is in control gives you an excuse to derail your life. Take stoicism for example; some people think that if they purposely make the decisions that would make their life difficult there would be a reward at the end. This is all my understanding on the matter, by the way.”

     Mary gave him a double look and then she smiled. He saw her smile and thought that perhaps he might have impressed her with his perspective. His confidence level ascended.

     “I believe in determinism but I believe in fate and destiny too. It’s hard to believe we don’t really have free will. I feel like I can do anything I want but determinism says otherwise.”

     “Not necessarily; determinism only means that you’re doing what you’re doing because an even greater force is overseeing your actions and predetermined it to happen without you knowing,” Pogo replied. 

     “So with me giving you a ride home… is that predetermined?” she asked.

     “Yes, I think so.”

     “And everything that happens from this point on is predetermined to happen regardless of what I do as well, right?”

     “Sounds about right.”

     Mary gazed at the empty road ahead and continued to speak, “My mother used to tell me that everyone I meet is for a good reason and that I need to focus on the energy that I get from each encounter. Sometimes, I’ll meet someone and then I’ll just get these highly negative emotions soon after. She told me that if I spend at least fifteen minutes around someone, I’ll be able to feel if there is positive or negative energy from them. Usually, when I feel that there is negative energy, it means that the person has bad intentions. However, if I feel positive energy, they have good, pure intentions. My mother died, but I still believe this to be true. I’ve used it my whole life and it worked every time. That just confirms that she was right all along.”

     “What kind of energy do you get from me?”

     “Has it been fifteen minutes yet?” she asked.

     Pogo glanced at his watch. “It’s been twenty.”

     Mary smiled again, showing her beautiful white teeth. Pogo noticed that she had a dimple on her left cheek but not on her right cheek. She was absolutely angelic, he thought.

     “Right now, it’s hard to tell for some reason. Give me a few more minutes and I’ll be able to tell for sure.”

     Pogo sat quietly and peered straight ahead at the empty road. The darkness swallowed the entire car and all they were able to see was the glow on each other’s faces from the high beams ahead.

     “Do you think determinism is a factor when it comes to love?” asked Mary.

     Pogo remained quiet for a moment. “I think love is something created between determinism and free will. I mean, we both believe in God. Love comes from God but it is an illusion to an extent. We think love is an entity between us all and it is created in the moments we share but with determinism, it has always been there and it was aligning with the time God created us to perceive. In that regard, I think love is like death. It is inevitable but also predetermined for each of us.”

     Mary gave him a certain look he’d only imagine seeing from a woman in a film or a magazine. He could not believe that she was looking at him the way she was. Pogo felt as if she was suddenly attracted to him. It gave him a short feeling of confidence and gratification that he never felt before. The fact that his crush looked at him with such an intense and genuine glare suddenly gave him a glimpse of the potential he saw in himself if he had faith in himself throughout these years. 

     “I know what kind of energy I get from you now.”

     “What kind?”

     “Pure, honest energy, Pogo.”

     She finally pulled up in front of his house and then turned to smile at him. She noticed him fidgeting though. She looked down and saw his hand moving in the darkness. 

     As she looked closer, trying to figure out what he was doing, she realized that he was masturbating. 

     She gasped loudly in fear, panicking to reach beneath her seat.

     “But… I thought you wanted to fuck me,” he uttered.

     At that moment, she pulled out her pistol and shot him in the face at close range. His head slammed against the window and then his body slumped over onto her lap as she quickly drove away.

Author: Alex R. Encomienda

Alex R. Encomienda is an American author and editor of literary fiction, absurdist fiction and poetry. He began writing at age nine while in elementary school and since then attended Glendale Community College where he participated in several writing workshop classes, lecture classes and book readings. Alex has been published in Adelaide’s Spring and Summer 2017 issues, The Blue Guitar Magazine’s Fall 2017 issue, The Penwood Review’s Summer 2017 issue and more recently Cherry House Press’ 2018 anthology The Fear of us All. Alex often expresses concepts of love, escapism, existentialism and religion in his work. He currently lives in Phoenix, Arizona with his family.